Friday, 20 May 2011

Regarding the Rapture

For my birthday, I have mostly been drinking tea and watching Shane Warne finally retire, presumably to become a travelling hair salesman or something. I was intending to go for a pub meal with my parents, but reports of all-night vomiting from people who ate there mid-week have demoted that idea to Plan-B status, behind doing nothing until tomorrow, then getting drunk.

In any case, regarding tomorrow's other expected events, I'm banking on being left-behind until October. I imagine that by then the sudden influx of a couple of million irate Arab Christians and/or the inheretence of Ireland's/Greece's/America's debt (depending whether they're Catholic, Orthodox, or Protestant up there) will have brought low the Kingdom of Heaven, and we heathens and sinners have to decide whether or arrange a bail-out (or a no-fly-zone, because fuck you, cherubs).

Meanwhile, I've inherited a laptop that's somewhat less shite than my broken-down desktop PC, so now I'm working on a fingertip callus from this damnable touchpad. Exciting times.

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Yeah, yeah, your opinions...

"...and when I walk up the road to vote, on Thursday, I'm going to be aware that most of the people I pass coming the other way have just voted No. That they've just gone out of their way to diminish the value of my vote, and to act against British democracy. Yet if I pushed them under a passing tractor, I'd be charged with a crime."